This has been something that I’ve been thinking about lately since I had a (sort of creepy) conversation with someone on Reddit.

It was about how able-bodied people sometimes say “why can’t you just..” when they’re with you and you’re having a flare.

Now this strikes me as a bad faith type question in general. If we are together, doing something that may cause me a problem, I’ve told you that I am not well and I have briefed you. I am not going on a small hike with you and giving you the pots surprise of me passing out or fibromyalgia’s gift of just randomly making shit hurt whenever it wants to.

I tend to openly disclose stuff in situations where it might come up as a courtesy. If you wanna nope out of a hike, you should be able to make an informed decision. Don’t wanna go to an amusement park with me and my fibromyalgia? I accept and respect that. I don’t wanna be someone’s problem or ruin anyone’s time.

If I’ve informed you about all of this and then we go, and you say something like “why can’t you just.. it’s not that hard.. all you have to do it..”

I’ve learned something about you as a person. You can’t tell me it’s all cool and then try to make me feel like crap afterwards.

If I am trapped with you somewhere, you might get a kind “hey sorry I told you this might happen but I hoped it wouldn’t..”.

Depending on how egregiously you show your ass, you may get the nasty answer. “Of course you’re confused that others can experience issues you can’t. Empathy is an advanced concept.”

I. WILL. MATCH. YOUR ENERGY.

Please note, people with mental disabilities, children with questions about my condition, or people that appear to be genuinely attempting to understand what’s happening do not get the nasty answer.

A comedic side note. My phone is a sex pervert.

Every time I type nasty my phone suggests “masturbating” as the next word. My phone thinks I am way more exciting than I am. Sorry, google. It must be very disappointing every time I type answer instead.

But back to the post and what others are owed. Turns out that it’s an individual choice for anyone who’s got illnesses. But what I don’t think we owe anyone is our humiliation for what we are not able to do, or because someone is being deliberately mean to us. There are times for gentle explanations and times to match energy.